in search of the absurd: fiction & nonfiction

The Complete Story Of My Life, Told Mostly In Terms Of What Didn't Happen -- by Dawn Corrigan

My name isn’t Ishmael or Jonah
and I wasn’t born a poor black child.

I didn’t see something nasty in the woodshed.
My parents weren’t killed in a fire.

My childhood wasn’t lousy.
I didn’t sleep in a cupboard under the stair.

I wasn't sick, spiteful, unattractive,
or obsessed with a giant whale.

I wasn't burned at the stake for witchcraft
or pursued by an angry mob.

I didn't kill a pawnbroker.
I never faced a firing squad.

I didn’t turn into a cockroach.
My liver wasn't especially diseased.

I didn't kill my father, or sleep with my mother,
or get me to a nunnery.

I was never bitten by a vampire.
I rarely had to fight zombies.

I had everything before me, and not much behind me.
I ate peaches whenever I pleased.