Well, well, well. What have we here? We have Republicans running everything.

Let's look at what that means:

1) The "we" mentioned above (also the "we" in "We the People") now excludes blacks, Latinos, the poor, the oppressed, the homeless, the middle class, the disabled, the young, the old, the Californians, the New Yorkers, people from New England (except for those psychos in New Hampshire), women, journalists, teachers, etc. Hope you enjoyed your previous home in the United States. Now you'll be relegated to either a) jail or b) the streets. Do you think we are exaggerating? We are.

2) Bush political dynasty emerges. Next up, Jeb Bush's crack smoking daughter, followed by Jenna Bush, who will use drunken nights out in Austin as a springboard to national office. Head of FBI? Post Office? It's up to you, you crazy drunk.

3) Karl Rove will have more access to children he can molest. Let's not kid ourselves. We dislike him not because he's conservative, or fat, or a threat to democracy. We dislike him because he molests our children. Look at him. Look again. See?

4) John Ashcroft will continue his very public descent into madness. The man with as-yet-unremarked-upon-helmet of hair will prosecute pre-marital daters, Americans who travel, writers of fiction, players of Pictionary, his children, unspayed cats, effeminate males and sous-chefs. Beware.

5) Barbara Bush will take a moment to enjoy the fruits of her finally-achieved plan to dominate the world.

6) France will be canceled.

7) Barbed wire fences will be erected in both the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans to deter foreign fish from swimming near American coasts.

8) "Congress" will be renamed "America's Heartland."

9) The "White House" will be renamed the "Whites-only House."