From A Tropical Paradise Home Companion:

'And that's the news from Punta Cana, where all the women tan topless, all the men wear Speedos, and all the children have personal chauffeurs.'

From A Communist Mainland Home Companion:

'And that's the news from Shanghai , where all the women sew in sweatshops, all the men pirate software, and all the children excel at math.'

From An Open Border Home Companion:

'And that's the news from the Rio Grande , where all the women cross in vans, all the men swim across, and all the children tunnel across.'

From A Centrifuge Home Companion:

'And that's the news from the Persian Gulf , where all the women wear the hijab, all the men refine uranium, and all the children play soccer.'

From A Waterlogged Home Companion:

'And that's the news from the Bering Straits, where all the women fish, all the men herd reindeer, and all the children are moldy.'

From A Summit Home Companion:

'And that's the news from Everest, where all the women carry pitons, all the men claim to be Sherpas, and all the children are roped together like sled dogs.'

From An Isolationist Peninsula Home Companion:

'And that's the news from Pyongyang , where all the women are thin, all the men are obedient, and all the children approach normal size.'

From A Tundra Home Companion:

'And that's the news from Tuva, where all the women are redheads, all the men wear hand-stitched trousers, and all the children throat sing.'

From A Jihadist Home Companion:

'And that's the news from Gaza , where all the women vote for Hamas, all the men fire Kassam rockets at Israel , and all the children watch martyrdom cartoons.'

From An Ice House Home Companion:

'And that's the news from Ultima Thule, where all the women dress in sealskin, all the men hunt polar bears, and all the children fear global warming.'

From An Insoluble Mystery Home Companion:

'And that's the news from the Bermuda Triangle, where all the women vanish from shipboard, all the men disappear in airplanes, and all the children get swallowed up by vapors right in their hotel rooms.'