in search of the absurd: fiction & nonfiction
In My Country -- by Don Fredd
(10/1/2006)
1
In my country it is custom when man sees woman for liking he touches her forehead with right hand (left is dirty evil). If she is smiling then there is walking around three times the body. After that, how you say, much screwing taking place like wild rabbits of Maecenas desert.
This is for one week sunrise to setting, all the time screwing. If woman then wants man she bakes him a "stoddenbayer" with many olives, more olives more better she likes with the screwing. Man eats "stoddenbayer," belching to show how much he enjoys. If both are liking equal sameness, woman dances "stola" around burning candle, faster and faster until falling down. After her tiredness they must sit back to back for three days fasting.
Bride's family travels to them bringing small gifts; man's family must give bigger gifts than bride's each time or big discord comes up. After gifts much is celebrating with weapons shooting into air, ululating and other noise. There is drinking of kwass and talking strangeness. Sometimes drunken men make insults for fighting between families with many goats and sheep dying on ground. Bride and groom escape on white stallion and ride into wilderness with only water and onions. They stay ten days to purify. When returning is done, they make home together with screwing not so much. More baking, herding and chewing of the betel nut until oldness comes. This is life custom of my land.
2: Religion
In my country we are worshipping Golly. We have bad weathers sweeping down from Kravas Mountains so we are always beseeching. During holy days we eat only vegetables of white flesh. Once a year we have Shibus for two slatterns (almost fortnight in metric system), which is when Golly comes down and walks among our peoples. He is one of us. Everybody peaceable because no one knows who is Golly or not. Women open their legs to many mens because one might be Golly. To have son by Golly nine months after Shibus is great honor, much celebrating. Family very proud. After that we go back to bad winds and usual life. Women close legs. Life is more harder.
