Hello. I know what is right for you. Even though I don't know you, I can tell you what you should knowis right, and what you should know is wrong. Despite the fact that my moral system is based in a religion that you don't subscribe to (which is wrong; see below), or maybe you are not religious at all (also wrong). There are certain inalienable moral truths (see below) that apply to everyone. These truths happen to correspond conveniently to my morality and religion. I will help you find the truth and the light.

Why do I want to help you, you ask? Because I have great compassion and selfless desire to help my fellow brother or sister. I cannot stand idly by while you are cast into eternal damnation because I care deeply for your soul. Even though you tell me you don't want to be saved, and that you don't even believe in the possibility of being saved, I must save you from your self and show you the way. It would be immoral for me not to do so.

In my compassion and wisdom, I realize that there are many religions. And I am compassionate about them. I accept these other religions. Belief, being irrational by nature, is subjective. When dealing with belief and its manifestation in religion, therefore, it can be very difficult, if not impossible, for you to understand that you are wrong, and that your religion is an inferior, illogical cult, all members of which will go to hell if they do not repent. But I will help you, lost little sheep, to find the right path.

I know what you are thinking. You are thinking, "But how will you know? How will you find me when I am doing something wrong?" There is no need to worry about that.

First, I will make sure that I am at all the places where you have done something, or are going to do something, immoral. I know where these places are because I can sense their evil. If I were not so full of compassion and respect for my fellow man, I would destroy these places. But that is not to be. These places exist to test my ability to show people that they are wrong. When you go to these places, I will shout at you and chant slogans. Also, I will carry signs. All of these things will prove to you that you are living in sin and lies, and that you should choose the path of truth and light.

Second, when you are ready, I will teach you to avoid sin and wrongdoing altogether, as I do. I will do so by giving you guidance on television or on the radio, or by handing out pamphlets in front of the DMV. By listening, or reading, as the case may be, you will see that many of the things you do are wrong and evil, and that if you do not stop and repent, you will be cast into eternal damnation.

Until we can meet in person so that I may show you, once and for all, the truth and the light, you can begin your transition by studying the following truths:

There is no god but my God. Even though your god may seem equally omniscient and omnipotent, he is not. Your god is inferior, and, in many cases, one of satan's minions. Also, it is ridiculous to say that historical evidence indicates that we may be talking about the same God. Yahweh, Allah, Jehovah, Buddha, the numerous Hindu gods; all wrong. While we're at it, there is, of course, a God. As I said earlier, belief is subjective. It is obvious, then, that those of you who do not believe that there is a God are stupid and evil and wrong, and will burn in hell if you do not repent and beg for God's forgiveness. I will pray for you that it is not already too late.

Women have the right to choose. It is immoral to treat women as inferior. They are equal to men, and must always be allowed free choice. As long as they choose life, because life is holy and precious and women cannot destroy it. This is not hypocritical.

Thou shalt not kill. Murder is a mortal sin, and it is evil and wrong. To show people how serious it is, we should always kill people who commit murder. Especially when the murderers are black, because it is scientifically proven (in the Bible) that black people cannot be saved. This does not contradict what I just said about life being holy and precious, because murderers always deserve to die.

Love is the most beautiful and sacred emotion that we as human beings are capable of. Love is beautiful and we must celebrate it in all forms. The sacrament of marriage is how we do so. That is why marriage is only allowed when the couple is heterosexual and of the same race. Homosexuality and interracial relationships are evil and sinful. Also, interfaith relationships are not the best.

This is a lot to handle. The first step in understanding these truths of morality is to realize that you are not capable of understanding their underlying logic. These moral truths were delivered unto us directly from the mouth of God. Our limited human intellect cannot possibly comprehend what God has put forth. Because you could not possibly grasp them, you should not bother to think about them critically. All we can do is memorize these truths. When you have mastered these truths, you will be able to repeat them mindlessly even when faced with difficult choices or logical, progressive thinking.

This is only the beginning, my brother or sister. When you have begun to grasp the above truths, you can begin to learn new moral absolutes, and apply them to difficult moral dilemmas, for example: euthanasia, engaging in sexual relations before marriage, or social and economic equality for racial minorities. You will be able to think critically about these dilemmas, considering all of the societal, ethical and political circumstances and repercussions, before denouncing each of them as evil and wrong.

Ultimately, you will learn to respect the most basic tenet of religion: forgiveness. Because we are human, we cannot avoid sin. To think that you are capable of not sinning is a sin in itself. God understands this, and He thus forgives our transgressions. If you do something wrong, and you truly feel badly about it and repent, God will forgive you. Therefore, you have the final say in your salvation, because you must choose to accept God in your life and repent for your sins. It is this private, personal relationship with God that makes my religion special; no one else can tell you how to choose.

You can see, then, why it is imperative for me to always remind you of the true path. Let me help you, my brother or sister.