"I love summer!" Like me, you've probably found yourself enthusiastically agreeing to this absurdist statement. You've probably said things like "I can't wait for summer," "Relax, that's what summers are for," "I'm so sad, summer is almost over."

Please. Summers are for the rich. What if you don’t have a car to drive to the beach? Or a friend who has a house somewhere near the beach? Or an air conditioner? If you don’t have any of these things, your summer will be spent in a constant state of scheming. Scheming to get a ride to the beach. Scheming to make a friend who has a friend who has a friend who has a place on the beach. Scheming to peddle methamphetamines to private school kids so they’ll invite you into their air conditioned homes.

Summer for the non-rich means having to smell things that you don't normally have to smell the rest of the year. Garbage from the Mexican restaurant three blocks away. Body odor on the person next to you on the bus. Lingering body odor from the person who just got off the bus. My favorite: summer sidewalk vomit.

Summer, for non-rich adults, is a reminder that there is no summer. Not for you. Not anymore. Growing up, summer was a reward for a JOB WELL DONE. Summer used to say "Well done in school, little one. Now take some time out for yourself. You're going to need all the rest that you can get before you start fourth grade!" Now, when you could really use some time off, when you can honestly say to yourself "job well done", Summer turns to you and says "Don't look at me."