Complaint Workshop T-Th, 10-11:30 a.m.     

Complaining isn't a personality defect, it's an art form. Complaining, grumbling and squawking are a writer's most valuable tools, and this class will cover the fundamentals of creating heartfelt, spontaneous complaints. In-class exercises will allow students to assess their whining potential, discover the complaint voice, and create their own petulant masterpieces. By the end of the workshop, students will be able to deliver prolific complaints without a trace of conscience.
      M.K. Hunter holds an MFA in Workshopping and was a keynote speaker at the Talking About Writing About Writing lecture series.

Breaking Free of Poetry
M-W, 6-10 p.m.

     Whether you are a mature artist or are considering poetry as an avocation, this seminar will help end these negative behavior patterns forever. You can escape the black hole of little magazines and the flea market of ideas. This class will explode the myths that surround poetry: that you'll get paid, that your work will be remembered, that anybody cares. You'll be encouraged to honestly confront the self-sabotage that compels an otherwise sensible person to write poetry. Oral readings of class members' work in a setting of venomous hostility and political backbiting will empower students to finally break free of poetry.
     A recovering poet, Swinburn Blackburn is the former author of the "Pine Cone," "Rivers and Trees," and "Elvis Wept." He now works in commercial leasing.

Psychology for Creative Artists (Or, The Lighter Side of Suicidal Depression)
M-W, 7-7:50 p.m.

     In this workshop, we will deal with the special needs of the creative artist in a supportive, blame-free environment. We will focus on rejection depression, learning to balance it with acceptance depression. We will address the chemical dependencies that often afflict writers, and practice ways of making alcoholism and caffeine psychosis work for you. Taking lessons from the lives of great masters, we will see how they avoided the pitfalls of the creative life, such as nihilism and grad school.
     Author-psychologist Blake McClure, Ph.D., is a psychologist in private practice. His latest book is "Grant Me the Courage to Change What I Can, and Enough Dynamite to Blow Up Everything Else."
     Completion of this class fulfills the prerequisite requirement for Theoretical Foundations of Self-Loathing 101.

Uh-Oh, That's What I Was Afraid Of: The Awful Truth Revealed
Sat, 1-4:30

     A seminar for those who hear not only a different drummer, but a whole new orchestra. Discover details about the confederacy of dunces who daily conspire to foil your genius. Learn the real reason your work is sent back, why editor s don't take your calls, and the truth about that buzzing noise you always hear. Class includes a free workbook, If You Don't Hear Voices, You're Not Listening .  Enrollment is limited.
     Will Spectre is a senior editor at Tormented Genius Press.

New Outlooks on Writer's Block
M, 6-9:30 p.m.

     The new outlook on writer's block: You're better off blocked. The focus of our class is that joyous liberation known as writer's block. We will concentrate, in preliminary sessions, on the cruel market forces determining the fate of your work. In upcoming classes, we will discuss the many people who prefer cash to art, including landlords and bail bondsmen. We will contrast the great writers who struggled, starved and finally triumphed with the big, fat chance it will ever happen to you.
     At last free of the creative burden, blocked writers can transfer their skills to more rational occupations, such as political advertising and providing misleading adjectives for coffee-shop menus. Vocational guidance is available.
      Robert Cooper, a blocked novelist since 1994, was unable to provide any biographical information.